Suavey Sexy

After starting the Atkins weight loss program, it wasn’t long before I had dropped the pounds, leaving me with few clothes and oversize underwear.  I had started getting  a lot of wedgies from  those underwear, and since I don’t really like  anything up my butt  I decided  to throw them all out.  That left me with a grand total of zero.  So I decided to go to Walmart and buy some new ones, along with a few other items I needed.  This trip would be one that would leave me embarrassed, and teach me  a valuable lesson on checking myself thoroughly before leaving the house.

When I got to Walmart I got the biggest boost to my ego when a gorgeous brown-eyed brunette gave me the once over.  She looked me up and down, and gave me a big smile, which put a smile on my face.  I couldn’t believe this gorgeous woman was checking me out.  That hadn’t happened to me in a while.

Feeling a bit suave and sexy, I strutted around the store with the grace of Fred Astaire, puffed out my chest a bit, and continued shopping.  When I got to the produce section of the store, I had a nice conversation with the produce lady on the joys of strawberries.  She told me that strawberries should be plum, well rounded, with a rich red color, and should smell slightly sweet.  As we chatted and sniffed strawberries together, she too began checking me out.  I couldn’t believe the blatant  flirtatiousness of this woman, but it didn’t bother me, in fact, I was quite pleased with my sexy self.

As I walked through the store, I noticed other women checking me out.  Not just a little, but boldly.

I was now walking around the store like Adonis, the Greek God of love, but the stares were beginning to make me uncomfortable so I decided to get the rest of the stuff I needed  and head home.  To get to the mens department I took a detour through the woman’s lingerie section of the store.  About half way through a silver-haired-prune-face-woman stopped me. I couldn’t believe it, I was being checked out by Grandma Moses, and was sure she was going to hit on me.  She curled her finger in a come-hither fashion and when I bent down, she whispered in my ear, “Your fly is open.”

My cheeks flushed ten shades of red—I was mortified, I grabbed my zipper, gave a quick yank, turned my cart, grabbed some underwear on the fly, and bolted for the cash register.  It wouldn’t have been so bad, but since I had thrown  all my underwear away and was now going commando, I know Mr. Winky had been waving hello to the world.

I guess I’m not so suavey-sexy after all.

Terry (whyguy)


16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pamela
    May 15, 2009 @ 15:32:47

    Thanks for that LOL ~ you goofy man! I love your sense of humor {{ä_ä}}Pamela


  2. mel
    Apr 30, 2009 @ 09:48:29

    oh my god you are the king of embarressing stories….



  3. ReneeW
    Apr 29, 2009 @ 18:21:36

    Oh my goodness Terry. You are absolutely hilarious! I’m glad they didn’t throw you out of Walmart (pervert on aisle 3)!
    I have never heard of so much happening to one person. At least, you have the sense of humor to get you through all of these adventures. And we do so enjoy hearing about them.


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