Warning: Exotic Meditation

I love meditation tapes, especially the ones that take me on a mental walk to exotic places.  I recently got one such tape free from lime wire, but it was not exotic—it was erotic. Kinda

When I first listened to this tape I was at work, alone, and sitting in the break room. I thought it would be a perfect time to make a quick escape.  I put on the headphones of my Ipod and hit play, leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes, took in a few deep breaths, and started my mental vacation.   The tape started out like any other relaxation tape.  The narrator, a male,  had a soothing voice, all be it I found his Aussie accent a bit sultry for my taste.

He took me on a mental walk to a secluded sanctuary on the shores of a picturesque winding river.  The majestic trees  set a cool shadow on the warmth of the day, letting in just enough light that the cascading  water fall at the mouth of the river sprayed a mist of rainbow that was breathtaking. The scent of lilac and cherry blossoms soothed me into a deeper calm giving me the peace and tranquility that I was looking for.  The longer he spoke the more relaxed I became.  I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly,  “Ahhh…”

As the tape moved on, I was taken on a journey of the senses, where site, sound, touch, and taste blended together to create a world of wonder and tranquility.  My eyes were treated to an orgy of colors that Crayola could not match.  It was as if God had painted the scene in my mind with his own hand.  There were flowers dappled about in vivid violets, hot magenta, and  wild strawberry.  The foliage was a Caribbean green that left me in awe at the depth of it’s beauty. My imagination was alive.

Further and further I transcended into a world of awe and wonder.  All was well, that is until the narrator spoke these words.

“Relax, you are feeling very comfortable now. Relax, as I begin to massage your shoulders.”


“Relax, as I slide my moist tongue gently into your mouth”

” What the Fu**.”

“Relax, as my glistening body moves closer to yours as I grab your manhood with my firm hand.”

“Son of a…”

My vacation was over, I threw my Ipod across the room.  My earphones popped out of my ears with a schloop,  and I began beating my ears with my hands as I screamed. “No, no, no, no, no…”  But it was to late, I was scarred for life, and I was sure my ears were bleeding.

Dazed, I looked around the room to see if anyone was around. I was still alone, but I felt dirty, embarrassed, and violated. I had nearly been man raped by an Aussie.  Sure, it was all in my mind, but it didn’t matter. I have a great imagination, which in my mind left me thinking I had nearly had sex with an Aussie.  If anybody ever found out I would never live it down.  Please don’t tell anybody.

The moral to this story, the next time you download something for free on the internet make sure you read the contents carefully. I did not. I thought I had read that this was an exotic meditation tape, but when I read it later I realized that it said, erotic masturbation.

You have been warned.

Terry (whyguy)




29 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. writingwen
    Apr 20, 2009 @ 03:40:31

    Oh my gosh! Too Funny! I read it to my husband and he laughed too. Thanks. 🙂


    • whyguy
      Apr 21, 2009 @ 03:02:17

      It is funny, but it sure wasn’t when I was living it. I’m glad you both got a kick out of it. I can say one thing for sure, it won’t be happening again. I hope.


  2. Sara
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 18:37:43

    Dad, I am at work laughing in tears because I could totally visualize the whole thing!!!!


  3. lindsaylu
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 12:55:17

    You are hilarious, an absolute riot. dont worry, your secret is safe with me my friend. how absolutely hysterical. can i at least tell my husband?? then your secret will be safe, pinky promise. sounds a bit like a freudian slip to me, just saying…

    🙂 have a wonderful day, very merry terry.



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